Repairing the Damage

Escaping an addiction is a life-saving achievement, but it doesn’t mean everything is going to be restored right away. It can take a long time to repair the destruction caused by years of substance abuse, including rebuilding relationships. It may take some time to regain the trust and respect of people who have been hurt; there may even be relationships that are unsalvageable. Not everyone will be ready to forgive and forget. And while the threat of losing a relationship is a common reason why substance abusers finally get help for their addiction, just giving up alcohol or drugs alone may not be enough to repair the damage.

Setting Realistic Expectations

It is vital that people who are new to recovery have realistic expectations about their relationships. Years of hurt and disappointment cannot be put right overnight. The newly sober person has to work to regain any lost trust. The best way they can do this is by staying sober and building a good life in recovery. They need to accept that they have caused pain and be willing to give these people the space and time to heal.

How to Rebuild Relationships in Recovery

At 12 Palms Recovery Center, our counselors know from first-hand experience how challenging it can be to repair relationships damaged by addiction. We provide guidance to our clients in recovery to help them not only understand how their substance abuse has impacted their lives, but also the lives of their friends and family.

Here are some of the ways an individual in recovery can help to rebuild the relationships in their lives:

1. Apologize for any hurt caused and give the other person the opportunity to fully express how they feel.


2. Put effort into your recovery to show that you really have changed; actions speak louder than words.


3. Understand that other people do not have a duty to forgive; they may only do so if they feel such forgiveness has been earned.


4. Understand that trying to make amends can help to heal the pain caused, but it should never be done in the hope of receiving anything.


5. Let go of the past; if you are full of resentment over the past actions of other people, then it’s unreasonable that you should expect a clean slate over your own wrongdoings.


6. Be patient; expecting too much too soon will always lead to disappointment.

It’s also crucial to understand that some relationships can’t be saved. It’s not possible to force other people to forgive and forget; all you can do is to respect the other person’s feelings and accept their decision. This can be difficult, but there really is no other choice. Any further attempts to rekindle the relationship could potentially cause more damage. The only thing to be done is to back off. Maybe one day, this individual will feel ready to rebuild this relationship again.

If you or someone you love is ready to leave a life of addiction, reclaim your life and rebuild the relationships that give meaning to it, call 12 Palms today toll-free at 1-866- 331-6779.